I am the 99 Percent

2 Sep

I know it’s not right, and even as I write this I am anticipating the obligatory chastising call from my dear (very healthy) friend Emily.

However, last Wednesday evening at precisely 9:05 pm I received the kind of weight loss motivation only outdone by the promise of lump sums of cash -

A picture of the bridesmaid dress I’m wearing for my sister’s wedding.

It’s an absolutely beautiful dress, but a little treacherous if you are bigger than a small B and have any arm fat whatsoever.

So, as any completely sane person 99% of fat Americans would do, I went to the store in a panic and bought the following items:

Reduced fat yogurt, sparkling (zero calorie) flavored water, Slim-Fast powder, gummy vitamins and Lean Cuisines.

You know, everything commercialism and my industry has taught me I need to accomplish my goal.

(Really, the sparkling water is something I’d buy any way out of pure, strange addiction.)

The plan is to lose 25 pounds before January 5, which really is quite reasonable according to my “Lose It” app which tells me if I lose 1.5 pounds a week, I will reach that goal by December 19. (We can go ahead and assume I’ll need those extra two weeks of “lost” time around the holidays anyway.)

I figured I’m going to eat the items above, supplemented with fruits and veggies, for about a week until I get used to eating less than 8 zillion calories a day. Basically, I’m easing lazing into eating less because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s this – if a diet requires more work than my normal eating habits, it’s not going to last long.

Once the urge to scratch someone’s eyes out every time I see a cooking show involving baked goods subsides, I can get into some more elaborate cooking. I’ve already made several meals involving chicken and/or salad and brown rice, so let’s hope the streak continues.

Less bust or bust.

4 Responses to “I am the 99 Percent”

  1. Vicki Chang September 3, 2012 at 1:35 am #

    Ahh, Allison’s getting married in January? wow! time flies!

    Sidenote: you should think about getting a trusty pedometer. I think I’m the only person younger than 40 to have one, but it’s like a little game to me… “every day at least ten thousand steps”… if I’m under, it’s just an excuse to make a few extra rounds out at the nightmarket :)

    • ellekaymack September 3, 2012 at 10:38 am #

      I like that idea! Something tells me I’m averaging like… 200 steps lol.

      Nightmarket?

  2. Erin Eby September 3, 2012 at 4:16 am #

    Unsolicited lazy person health tip – fish (if you like it) is the easiest healthy food EVER. One of my favorite meals is a broiled salmon filet with rice and steamed veggies. Takes 15 minutes beginning to end. Just put salmon filet on tin foil, drizzle with a little EVOO, add salt and seasoning (I like dried basil/oregano/generic italian mix). Put your oven on super high broil, stick in the fish, and wait. While that’s going, stick a bag of Uncle Ben’s steamer bags of the rice of your choice in a pot of boiling water and start steaming some corn/broccoli/whatever. It all cooks for about the same amount of time. Works great with white fish like tilapia too. Yummm. Good luck! You can do it!

    • ellekaymack September 3, 2012 at 10:39 am #

      Thanks, Erin! I do love fish! :)

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